In the United States, an estimated 906,000 children are victims of abuse and neglect every year, making child abuse as common as it is shocking. Child abuse occurs in rural, urban and suburban areas and among all ethnic, racial and socioeconomic groups. Most children are abused by someone they know and trust. Whether the abuse is physical, emotional, sexual, or neglect, the scars can be deep and long-lasting, and often lead to future child abuse.
How could anyone abuse a defenseless child?
Physical Child Abuse
Many physically abusive parents and caregivers insist that their actions are simply forms of discipline - ways to make a child learn to behave. But, twisting a child’s arm until it breaks is not discipline – it is abuse. Physical abuse can include striking a child with the hand, fist, foot or with an object, burning, shaking, pushing, or throwing a child; pinching or biting the child, pulling a child by the hair or cutting off a child’s airway.
Signs of physical child abuse may include:
- Physical signs. Sometimes physical abuse has clear warning signs, such as unexplained bruises, welts, or cuts. While all children will take a tumble now and then, look for age-inappropriate injuries, injuries that appear to have a pattern such as marks from a hand or belt, or a pattern of severe injuries. Often, multiple bruises in different stages of healing can be another sign of physical abuse.
- Behavioral signs. Other times, signs of physical abuse may be more subtle. The child may be fearful, shy away from touch or appear to be afraid to go home. A child’s clothing may be inappropriate for the weather, such as heavy, long sleeved pants and shirts on hot days.
- Caregiver signs. Physically abusive caregivers may display anger management issues and excessive need for control. Their explanation of the injury might not ring true, or may be different from an older child’s description of the injury.
Emotional Child Abuse
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” This old saying could not be farther from the truth. Emotional child abuse may seem invisible, however, the effects can be extremely damaging. Constant belittling, shaming, and humiliating, name-calling and making negative comparisons to others, or constantly telling a child he/she is “no good," "worthless," "bad," or "a mistake" are all forms of emotional abuse. How the words are spoken - such as yelling, threatening, or bullying - can be terrifying to a child as well. Withholding love and affection, ignoring or rejecting a child, or giving him/her the silent treatment can also have devastating effects on a child. Another strong component of emotional abuse is exposing the child to inappropriate situations or behavior. Especially damaging is witnessing acts that cause a feeling of helplessness and horror, such as in domestic violence or watching another sibling or pet be abused.
Signs of emotional child abuse may include:
- Behavioral signs. Since emotional child abuse does not leave obvious marks, the effects may be harder to detect. Behavioral extremes, excessive shyness and being overly afraid of doing something wrong maybe a clue of emotional abuse. A child may also exhibit antisocial behavior such as uncontrolled aggression. Look for inappropriate age behaviors as well, such as an older child exhibiting behaviors more commonly found in younger children.
- Caregiver signs. Emotionally abusive caregivers may display anger management issues and excessive need for control. They may be unusually harsh or critical of a child, belittling or shaming him/her in front of others. A caregiver may also seem strangely unconcerned with a child’s welfare or performance. Keep in mind that there might not be immediate caregiver signs, and that many emotionally abusive caregivers can present a kind face to the outside world, making the abuse all the more confusing and scary for the child.
Child Sexual Abuse
The American Medical Association defines child sexual abuse as "the engagement of a child in sexual activities for which the child is developmentally unprepared and cannot give informed consent.” Child sexual abuse is characterized by deception, force or coercion, and can include fondling, genital exposure, intimate kissing, forced masturbation, oral, penile or digital penetration of the mouth, vagina or anus. Child prostitution and pornography activities are also included in the definition. Incest is sexual abuse where the offender is a family member. Most children are abused by someone they know and trust, such as a relative, childcare provider, family friend, neighbor, teacher, coach, or clergy member. Aside from the physical damage that sexual abuse can cause, the emotional piece is powerful and far reaching. In most cases, children believe that the abuse is their fault. They feel extreme shame and guilt, and worry that others won’t believe them and will be angry with them if they tell.
Signs of sexual child abuse may include:
- Behavioral signs. Does the child display knowledge or interest in sexual acts inappropriate to his/her age, or even seductive behavior? A child might appear to avoid another person, or display unusual behavior- either being very aggressive or very passive. Older children might resort to destructive behaviors to take away the pain, such as alcohol or drug abuse, self-mutilation, or suicide attempts.
- Physical signs. A child may have trouble walking, sitting or standing, or have stained, bloody or torn underclothes. Swelling, bruises, or bleeding in the genital area is a red flag. An STD or pregnancy, especially under the age of 14, is a strong cause for concern.
- Caregiver signs. The caregiver may seem to be unusually controlling and protective of the child, limiting contact with other children and adults. Again, as with other types of abuse, the caregiver may not show outward signs of concern. This does not mean the child is lying or exaggerating.
Sexual child abuse: The online risk
Children who use the Internet are also vulnerable to predators. Warning signs of online sexual child abuse may include:
- A child spending large amounts of time online, especially at night, and may turn the computer monitor off or quickly change the screen on the monitor when you come into the room.
- You find pornography on your child's computer.
- The child receives phone calls or mail from people you don't know, or makes calls to numbers that you don’t recognize.
- The child becomes withdrawn from the family.
Child Neglect
Child neglect is the most frequent form of child abuse. Neglect is a pattern of failing to provide for a child's basic needs, endangering a child’s physical and psychological well-being. Child neglect is not always deliberate. Sometimes, a caregiver becomes physically or mentally unable to care for a child, such as in untreated depression or anxiety. Other times, alcohol or drug abuse may seriously impair judgment and the ability to keep a child safe. The end result, however, is a child who is not getting their physical and/or emotional needs met.
Signs of child neglect may include:
- Physical signs. A child may always be dressed inappropriately for the weather, or have ill-fitting, dirty clothes and shoes. They might appear to always have bad hygiene, like very dirty, matted and unwashed hair, rotting teeth, or very bad body odor. Another warning sign is untreated illnesses and physical injuries.
- Behavioral signs. Does the child seem to be unsupervised? School age children may be frequently late or tardy. The child might show troublesome, disruptive behavior or be withdrawn and passive.
- Caregiver signs. Does the caregiver have problems with drugs or alcohol? While most of us have a little clutter in the home, is the caregiver’s home filthy and unsanitary? Is there adequate food in the house? A caregiver might also show reckless disregard for the child’s safety, letting older children play unsupervised or leaving a baby unattended. A caregiver might refuse or delay necessary health care for the child.
What to do if a child reports abuse
You may feel overwhelmed and confused if a child begins talking to you about abuse. It is a difficult subject and hard to accept, and you might not know what to say. The best help you can provide is calm, unconditional support and reassurance. Let your actions speak for you if you are having trouble finding the words. Remember that it is a tremendous act of courage for children to come forward about abuse. They might have been told specifically not to tell, and may even feel that the abuse is normal. They may even feel they are to blame for the abuse. The child is looking for you to provide support and help- don’t let him/her down.
- Avoid denial and remain calm. A common reaction to news as unpleasant and shocking as child abuse is denial. However, if you display denial to a child, or show shock or disgust at what they are saying, the child may be afraid to continue and will shut down. As hard as it may be, remain as calm and reassuring as you can.
- Don’t interrogate. Let the child explain to you in his/her own words what happened, but don’t interrogate the child or ask leading questions. This may confuse and fluster the child and make it harder for them to continue their story.
- Reassure the child that they did nothing wrong. It takes a lot for a child to come forward about abuse. Reassure him or her that you take what is said seriously, and that it is not the child’s fault.
- Seek assistance. If you suspect a child is in immediate danger, contact the authorities as soon as possible. Many people are reluctant to get involved in other families’ lives, however, by reporting, you can make a tremendous difference in the life of a child. Early treatment can help lessen the long-term effects of abuse. In most states, reporting is anonymous. If the abuse is stopped and the child receives expert treatment, the abused child can begin to regain a sense of self-confidence and trust. Some parents may also benefit from support, parent training and anger management.
- What if I break up someone’s home? The priority in child protective services is keeping children in the home. A child abuse report does not mean a child is automatically removed from the home - unless the child is clearly in danger.
- It won’t make a difference what I have to say. If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong, it is better to be safe than sorry. Even if you don’t see the whole picture, others may have noticed as well, and a pattern can help identify an abused child that might have otherwise slipped through the cracks.
Child abuse hotlines: Where to call to get help or report abuse:
- Child Protective Services, Inyo County: 619-872-1727
- Child Protective Services, Mono County: 800-340-5411
- National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)
- Wild Iris Family Services: 877-873-7384
Internet resources for more information on child abuse:
Recognizing Child Abuse: What Parents Should Know
Physical Child Abuse
Sexual Abuse
A Parent's Guide to Internet Safety
Fact Sheet: Emotional child abuse
Talking to a child about abuse |