red flags of abusive relationships


  • Wants to be with you constantly
  • Accuses you of cheating all the time
  • Follows you around or frequently calls during the day
  • Odd behaviors like checking your car mileage or asking friends to check in on you

Controlling Behavior

  • Pretends to be concerned for your safety or your productive use of time
  • Acts like you do not have the ability to make good decisions
  • Becomes extremely angry when late
  • Constantly questions who you spend your time with, what you did/wore/said & where you went
  • Makes you ask permission to do certain things

Quick Involvement

  • 6 months or less before living together/engaged
  • Claims of love at first sight
  • Says you are the only one who can make her/him feel this way
  • Pressure for commitment

Unrealistic Expectations

  • Compliments you in a way that makes you seem superhuman
  • Very dependent for all needs
  • Expects you to be perfect
  • Says things like, I am all you need. You are all I need


  • Tries to cut off all your resources
  • Puts down everyone you know
  • Friends are either stupid, slutty, or you are cheating with them
  • Family is too controlling, don’t really love you, or you are too dependent on them
  • Refuse to let you use car or talk on the phone
  • Makes it difficult for you to go to school or work
  • Geographically isolates you – moves you to neighborhood or state where you don’t know anyone

Blames Others for Problems & Feelings

  • If there are problems at school or work it is always someone else’s fault
  • You’re at fault for everything that goes wrong in the relationship
  • Makes you responsible for how they feel


  • Easily insulted, sees everything as personal attacks
  • Has a tantrum about the injustice of things that happen to them
  • Totally goes off about small irritations, blows things out of proportion
  • Looks for fights

Disrespectful or Cruel to Others

  • Punishes animals/children cruelly, insensitive to pain and suffering
  • High expectations of children beyond their abilities
  • Doesn’t treat other people with respect

Playful Use of Force During Sex & Rigid Sex Roles

  • Little concern over whether you want sex or not, & uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance
  • Makes sexual or degrading jokes about you
  • Unable to be a whole person without a relationship

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

  • Sudden mood changes-like they have two different personalities, one minute nice/next minute exploding

Past Battering

  • You may hear the person was abusive to someone else they were in a relationship with, they may deny saying it is a lie or their ex is crazy/it wasn’t that bad

Breaking or Striking Objects

  • Used as punishment, breaks cherished possessions
  • May beat on tables with fist or throw objects at/around/or near you

Any Force during an Argument

  • Physically restrains you from leaving the room , pushes or shoves you